I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
