In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
