just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
bring money and cleavage
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
