what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
