A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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