Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dear god my vagina.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
