So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
