well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need a beard to bite.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
