If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
