what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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