Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
