pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
