am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am midnight drunk by noon
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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