peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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