I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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