I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
