I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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