I hate your face
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
