Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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