I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
