My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
