best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
