We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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