I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
