I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
