You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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