it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
