Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
