i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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