broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
