You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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