Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just googled if crying burns calories
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
