I look better un-naked...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
