How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
