I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
