Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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