alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
