i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
