He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
