No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
