I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
