That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
