I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
