Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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