I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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