Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
