I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I bet he comes in French.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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