you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
soo... how was my night?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
