I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
