If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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