Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
