I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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