hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
