I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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