True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
