Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
