It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
