a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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