You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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