I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
