well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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