I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
