Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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