It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
