I wanna bring you to show and tell
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
