he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
